Being a Mommy

 Let me just say that Mother's day started out wonderfully. I slept in until 8! YAHOO! Steve got up with Olivia and I didn't hear a thing from them. Then, being the wonderful husband that he is, Steve made me breakfast while I cuddled with my girl on the couch. Breakfast was delicious- so was the cuddling. The rest of the day was just as blissful.

I love being a mom. Let me repeat. I love being a mom. Every day feels incredibly fulfilling- even if the laundry doesn't get folded and put away (come on- I'm not the only one right?), the dishes don't get all done before I got to bed, and my house is in total disarray I STILL fill fulfilled because I know I did all that I could to be the best mommy I could be. It's such an important job and I love doing it.

That isn't to say there aren't days when I'm exhausted and at my wits end- but I wouldn't change a thing about it. I have had a wonderful example of a mother in my life. She is seriously the greatest woman I have ever known hands down. When we were in Disneyland a couple of months ago my brother asked my mom something along these lines "Do you miss having young kids mom?" And she responded "Oh Yes, it was a lot of work but the best time of my life was raising my children." After she answered it literally brought tears into my eyes- Because I knew. I knew that what she said was true. I knew that one day my heart would ache when the raising would be over. Although they would always need me it will be different some day. I know that this is the happiest and most joyful time of my life and I will embrace it and enjoy every single bit of it.

I'm grateful to be a mommy. Grateful to be Olivia's mommy. Grateful for all the mommys out there who make this world a better place. Seriously- where would be be without them?

Liv- I love you so much. One day when you're a mommy- maybe you'll understand. maybe;) Love you to the moon and back dear one- thanks for blessing my life in an indescribable way. MUAH! 

The End of something Wonderful.

Two days ago- was the last time I will ever breast feed Olivia. Just writing that sentence makes me want to burst into tears. The hardest part was that I didn't know it would be the last day.

(I've added pictures of when she was just a little teeny tyke because she isn't little teeny anymore...)

A few weeks ago I thought- hey let me see what happens if I don't breast feed Olivia this morning. We sat on the couch with some yogurt instead. She lost it. She wanted to get away from me because she was so offended. She burst into tears- and not the angry kind, but the "I can't believe you are doing this to me mom" kind of tears. There was a laundry basket with clothes in it nearby and she buried her face into it. It broke my heart and I gave in, of course I gave in. I couldn't deny my baby something she wanted so badly.

After that experience we decided to just slowly lessen the time that she nursed each morning. It's been going well but slow. Yesterday morning was the sad part. I woke up early and got all ready and then I heard her get up. I brought her out of her crib (this is the part where she usually starts crying or whinning because she wants to nurse- it's almost immdiate), but yesterday she didn't. She pointed to the kitchen for some food. I had very conflicting emotions. In one way it was a relief because weaning her entirely didn't have to be a battle- the battle was won, yay! On the other hand, I wanted one more time. I wanted to relish in every single moment of that last time and I didn't get that chance- ah I'm almost in tears again. Over the past day I have had to come to a realization to help me get over this.

I've relished the last 15 1/2 months of this- I didn't miss a thing. It's true. It's been an absolutely beautiful experience for me. One of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced. (Okay, now I'm officially in tears.) I started weaning her shortly before her first birthday and when I started I had a really hard time, thinking that I wasn't ready for this, that I didn't want to give it up. And so I took a step back and realized that it didn't have to be a quick process. So for the last 3 1/2 months I have slowly, oh so very slowly weaned her. I relished every moment of it- realizing that it was okay for it to be over soon. It was right- she's growing up- and she isn't my baby anymore. (though, I'm pretty sure she will always be my baby.) So, no, I didn't get to really relish the "last time" but it's okay, I relished the last 15 1/2 months of it and boy what a wonderful 15 1/2 months.

I've heard people say that Breast feeding is a great sacrifice for a mom. It's for your baby. While that may be true, it didn't feel like a sacrifice for me. It felt like a way to bond with my baby. It felt like a way to provide something that only I could provide for her. It felt wonderful and I wouldn't change a thing about it. I'm just grateful I had the experience that I did.

"All Good things must come to an end." In some ways that statement sounds so negative, but it's not. I think they must end so that the next good thing can come your way. As hard as it is for me to see this Good Thing end (Oh goodness it's so hard), I know that it is right and it is good also. She's growing and learning and becoming more independent by the day. These are all positive things- all good things. I'm grateful that she is learning and growing.

I still remember the first time I nursed her- just minutes after she was born. It was perfect actually. She was perfect there in my arms. She is still perfect. She will always be perfect to me.

***It's time to end the post when the tears wont stop coming***

learning, growing, and struggling.

There is a lot of learning going on in this household. Learning is a good thing, but it definitely comes with its challenges. 

Olivia is taking so much in every single day and applying that into her life. She is learning who she is. Learning that she is indeed her very own person and that she can make her own decisions. Our free will- our agency is such a beautiful gift that we have been given, but man its a challenge.

She is going through the terrible twos. But it's not all terrible. When you look at it in the grand scheme of things its not terrible at all. It's beautiful. Beautiful because she is learning how to make decisions and express herself. It's my responsibility as a parent to guide her in a way so that she can express herself in a positive way and make decisions that are healthy for her- decisions that will make her happy. That's my job- my responsibility- my privilege as a parent- and if I have to be the bad guy in order to fulfill those responsibilities- so be it.

If she doesn't get what she wants - ever- she loses it. Yesterday was just embarassing. We went to lunch at a friend's house - in order to get to know each other better. Yeah, I envisioned a nice quiet lunch where we could talk about our lives, our likes, dislikes, etc... Not so much what really happened. Olivia yelled the entire time at the table- refused to eat (a new habit of hers), wanted to see the doggies, threw things off the table, etc... Finally I had to excuse ourselves, apologize, and take my tantrumy child home- where she continued to yell and scream at me. Yesterday was not our best day. Although I remained calm on the outside, smiled at her, showed her that although I wouldn't let her eat the chocolate I had hidden in the pantry that I still did love her.

The other day she wanted something to snack on and I told her it had to be something healthy. She wanted the cake we had had the night before. I told her it was going to be a banana (her favorite- I wasn't forcing her to eat something she hated) and she lost it. I sat down on the floor and held the banana while she screamed at me for the next 5-10 minutes. Miraculously, she stopped abrubtly- walked right over to me, sat down, and opened her mouth for her snack. Liv- 0 Mom- 1. I won that battle and I will continue fighting each and every battle- she's got to know who the boss is.

Yesterday was just downright hard- and I know I'm not the first mother to go through this, nor will I be the last. I feel like its just a new stage of parenting. A new stage that has its ups and its downs. We've already talked about the downs so lets talk about the ups.

She is so hilarious lately. I love watching her try to say new words and then she'll repeat them over and over and over. She kept trying to say purple today while we were playing with a purple easter egg. It sounded so cute coming out of her mouth. She is more playful than ever before. We run outside, we run around the apartment. We play hide and seek. Tickling is a favorite past time. She is super giggly- and those giggles warm my heart every time. I don't have to pick her up every where I go now. Instead, she grabs my hand and we walk wherever she wants to take me. It's so funny how something so simple as holding my bean's hand makes me the happiest momma on the earth. I don't look forward to the day when she wont hold my hand anymore. She is so full of life. Her personality is blossoming everyday and I just love to watch her learn and grow.

SO even though, its not all hearts and flowers all the time over here (Yesterday, I don't think there were any hearts and flowers) we are loving our life. We love watching our little Bean sprout. Learning can be a hard process- for anybody- so it's only normal that as she learns about the world and what she can and can't do- that it will come with its bumps and bruises.

I'm okay with that- maybe not always in the moment- but ultimately I'm grateful for it! Now- any advice on handling tantrums?

A wonderful Easter.

Last Sunday was our last sunday serving in the Spanish Branch (an entire post on that coming soon) and it was  so bittersweet. I was an emotional wreck all day long. But it is time, time for a new chapter in our lives. We both spoke and it seriously made Easter so wonderful for us. We were so focused on the true meaning of Easter because we had been thinking about it and preparing our talks on it- it was such a special day- the best Easter I may have ever known. I felt so close to the spirit and I am so grateful for that opportunity to speak.

We are both making such lovely faces, no? My lips are slightly blue from eating a popsicle as well. ha!

That night we were able to spend some wonderful time with family. Family really is the best. Although neither of our immediate family members live here, Steve has an Aunt and Uncle that live just 5 minutes from us, and his Grandpa lives here part of the year. We stayed for quite some time because we couldn't stop talking and enjoying the company. Olivia loves to go and play with the cousins and they love to smother her with love. It's a win-win really. The food was to die for. absolutely delicious. Jessica always seems to amaze me with her wonderful cooking skills.

Silly girl, silly face

There was an egg hunt of course. And as you might have guessed. Olivia was happy with her two eggs and opening them up to find hidden treasures inside. She looked absolutely beautiful in her Easter Dress (thanks Nona!) and I couldn't get enough of her. I wanted to eat her like a chocolate egg!

The Easter bunny brought her some treasures. She was more interested in pulling everything out than actually enjoying what was inside. She looked adorable in her bunny ears but we did refrain from wearing them to church- let's be honest- Easter is not about the Bunny.

Yes she is wearing Christmas Pj's

All ready to go swimming!

Last Easter this is what she looked like. It is one of my all time favorite pictures of her- but I can't believe how little she was- and how big she is now!

I hope everyone enjoyed a fabulous Easter and were able to reflect on what the true meaning of this wonderful holiday is!

More Spring please!!

I love Spring. I love the warmth that is not only present by the sun but also inside of your body. Really i feel so warm during the Spring. Just as the plants and flowers start to grow, I feel the same growth inside me. I feel as if I'm coming alive!

That warmth quickly forms into desire. Desire to spend as much time outside as possible. To take advantage of every hour of the day. To cook more, to visit with friends more often, to soak up the sun all day long, and to make more memories with The Bean. To do more!

Lately we have done more. In between the "to do's" we fill our days with more treasures. We pick up rocks and find complete joy in such a small and "mundane" activity. We teach the bean how to run and we run through the grass with bare piggies (JUST KIDDING--- we wish though!) We rush to the park every chance we can just so we can feel how much fun it is to swing on the swings.(I've always loved the swings- and I'll never be too old for them!) We call up friends just to have picnics and feel entirely rejuvenated at said picnics. We put on sun hats and sunscreen and bask in how wonderful Miss O. smells with that sun block on. (It smells like summer, smells are powerful things that also fill you with warmth!) We spend a few minutes making the best, squishiest play-doh EVER and watch in amazement that little Bean doesn't once try to eat it but instead delights in burying her little fingers in it.We have a blast drawing pictures and playing eating sidewalk chalk. We chase bubbles. We walk instead of drive wherever we can. We go outside, even if we only have 5 minutes to spare, we are making memories and we are loving it!

Something about spring makes me think more about my friendships. To build stronger relationships with those around me, those that I love. To make new friends and feel excitement about where those friendships might take me. To embrace how many people have blessed my life and only hope I can bless others as well. I love friends- where would I be in my life without them? Lost- that's where, utterly lost.

I'm the kind of person that accomplishes more the busier I am. I am so grateful for my business that allows me to do more with my daughter. I have a thriving business that keeps me motivated, driven, busy, and ultimately helps me be more of a mother to Olivia. I feel utterly blessed to have it in my life- for the people who have touched my life through it- and for the 20-30 new people I get to meet every month because of it. MORE....it feels me with more.It feels me with warmth.

Spring is a rebirth- and with it comes reflection. What do I want to do more of? What would I like to change? What would I like to accomplish in this new season? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to meet? Who can I help?

Now be honest with yourselves... don't you just feel warm when you think about Spring? I love it. I am consumed by it these days.

A much needed weekend.

The weekend was great. Steve and I got to enjoy a night out. We haven't gone out in what seems like forever and you forget just how important it is to spend quality time alone.

I have so much fun with hubs. Sometimes I forget what it's like to have grown-up time. Let me paint you a picture of our night out. We arrive at our favorite restaurant here, we get out of the car and I actually have a hand available for him to hold. It's not holding a little Bean or a diaper bag or anything else baby related- nope it's free- free to be held by my best friend. It's funny how such a small thing makes such a big difference to me. I love holding hands. We sit down and eat- without rushing. We don't have to worry about spills, or messes, or wandering hands that ache to knock over that glass of water- nope just the two of us. The two of us actually addressing eachother by our first names. Because you know that when Miss O is around he is Daddy and I am Mommy. Sometimes I laugh at how many times I call my own husband "Dada". We talk about so many things and I end up laughing so hard that I'm crying. Oh that is such a wonderful feeling- pure laughter. We get to go do a little shopping after with just the two of us and it's wonderful. A simple night, but perfect.

And then we picked up the bean, who had a hard night and I embraced her and all felt right with that too. A perfect balance- a date night out- then reunited with the girl of our dreams.

I feel so strongly about Date nights than I ever did before I had a child. It's my time to spend quality time with my eternal companion. Oh how I love him.

Not Sure why this came out blurry...hmmmm It's not blurry on my computer?!

The rest of the weekend was spent cleaning, attending the pinewood derby, going to church, and skyping with best friends all the way in China!!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well!

Mine

I have read several blogs lately that have been struggling with what kind of blog they have. This got to thinking a lot about my own blog. Sure I have my food blog (which hasn't been updated in ages because life is busy and I just haven't gotten around to doing that lately----the blogging about cooking, don't worry I still do the cooking.) But this blog...what is it?

It began as a way for family to see what we were up to (funny since I really made this for our mother's to read and neither one of them ever read it- except my mother in law is getting much better at it)- and because it was the cool thing to do after you got married. I blogged here and there and then one day blogging became crucial- the day my baby was born. And then I became very passionate about blogging.

I do blog a lot about my little one, because that is my life. And that is my point.....this blog is mine. That is the only classification it needs. If I feel like blogging about my husband, my baby, my love for fashion as of late, my business, and most importantly my feelings than I will. It is obviously a lifestyle blog but there is not necessarily any rhyme or reason to it- it is just mine, and I love this ol' blog.

Blogging has been a wonderful thing for me for many reasons.

1. It acts as a journal- a way to document some of my favorite everyday occurences. I love looking back on my blog and remembering the moments I documented with such clarity and it makes this all the more worth it.

2. It has become an outlet for me. The blog posts I love the most are the ones that really come from my heart. The sincere, tender posts. The ones I am most passionate about. These posts usually tend to center around motherhood and what I have learned from it. It has always been my dream to be a mother and now I am experiencing it- learning through it- embracing every moment of it. Writing about it makes me feel even better about it....which brings me to my last point.

3. It helps me to recognize my blessings. Have you ever noticed that when you blog about what makes you happy- that you realize how blessed you really are? That you find a billion other things that also made you happy that day? I love that- and blogging does that for me....it helps me to see clearer, to focus on the most important things, and to feel more gratitude in my life.

So, if you are looking for any one particular thing on my blog- you will not find it. This is just a blog about whatever suits me- it's mine, and I like that!

Miss Independent and its affect on Mommy

Miss O. has become her own little person as of late. Her little personality is sprouting and I learn more about her every day. As her dr. said at her last appointment- she is detaching her identity from mine- her own little person. I attribute this to two things. Weaning her and her knew skill of walking.

We've had so many wonderful days here that we have really gotten to enjoy the great outdoors.

I have mostly weaned her. I use to nurse her 5-6 times within a 24 hour period and now it is only when she wakes up and before she goes to bed. It's been a gradual process over a little over a month now and it has been harder than I expected. We've backtracked a couple of times, but really she has handled it really well. She is growing up, and it is my job as her mother to help her to learn and grow and become independent. Most days it's as if she doesn't even remember that she use to nurse during the day and we do just fine. But then there are days like today where she was acting a little upset and she kept crawling over to me and then snuggling into my body. She would snuggle for a second and then get upset and then I understood what she wanted because she was trying to lift up my shirt. She wasn't hungry- she just wanted that comfort from me. It was hard not to give it to her, but we are well past that now and she just needed me and so I helped her in other ways. But still, just thinking about it makes my eyes water up. Seriously, they are.

Because, she isn't my little baby anymore. She is my big girl. Ms. Independent. I'm filled with joy each day as I watch her learn. Today as we played games and I saw her actually stack her rings onto her little toy. She has never done that before. I watched her as she begins to understand the concept of "in" instead of only "out." I'm amazed at her comprehension, and think she understands the majority of what I say to her. She followed a simple direction today. She knows our routine and is a good girl about it. I usually always laugh when I watch her toddle outside and explore this new world. Yes she's been in the world for a year but mostly to watch, smell, and listen- but never really to walk and explore and touch. She loves being outside and you can see the feeling of freedom she gets as she chases the doggies and feels the sand in her fingers as she brings it to her mouth. Yes, its a beautiful thing and it fills me with joy. Joy because she is learning and growing and those are things that she should do.

It's an interesting combination when you feel joy along side an ache in the heart. Bittersweet I guess you would call it.

I've struggled the past few days with this- really struggled because I am beginning to learn in a whole new way how motherhood can be a challenge. A challenge worth every minute- but a challenge none the less. But this time- it is more of an emotional challenge- entirely an emotional challenge.

Everyone likes to feel needed. As a mother you always feel needed- but there are different level of it. Olivia isn't my baby anymore and she doesn't need me in the same ways that she use to. And so that pains me a little inside- even though I know that it is normal, natural, and right.

Mothers throughout time struggle with these feelings I am sure. So many times you see a mother shed tears at her child's wedding. They are probably both tears of happiness and sadness. Mostly happiness because it is a wonderful occasion and more than anything they want their child to be happy. But- then there is a part of them that must mourn secretly and quietly inside because they know that their child now belongs to someone else and they are not needed in the same way anymore. They wouldn't want it to be any other way- but that doesn't change the feelings they feel.

I know I will probably experience this feeling the first day she goes to Kindergarten. She will seem so grown up. I will feel this way when she doesn't want to hold my hand anymore, tells me she can do her homework all by herself, goes on her first date, goes off to college, and of course- gets married. I will be overcome with happiness because my baby girl is learning, growing, and doing what is right- but underneath will be a slight tinge of pain for myself.

She look so big here to me.

As I've experienced these feelings lately I've grown more and more respect for my own mother. She raised 6 children and after talking to her today I know that she experienced these same feelings. She told me she still remembers the day she took my older sister (her first) to Kindergarten and watching her walk around the corner into her class. Having those feelings that she didn't want to let her go, but knowing that of course she did and should. My mother is amazing and I am so grateful I can go to her when I struggle with even these little feelings inside me. She always knows the right things to say.

So in summary, I love my baby girl and I am so proud of her. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I am overcome and filled with absolute JOY every single day as I watch her become herself. I love watching her explore and learn about this wonderful world that she lives in. I love her. Sometimes- I just miss my baby- but I wouldn't change a thing. I just have to keep enjoying every single second I have with her. I know all too well how time sure does fly.

A New Year.

 It's that time of year to make new resolutions. I sat down on Sunday and made mine. I'm not focused on a number per say but simply to do better at certain things. I think sometimes numbers can be so discouraging because the minute you don't reach those numbers- you forget all about it and feel as if you have already quit--atleast that's what happens to me.

So this year it is simply about doing better. Being better. A better friend, a better wife, a better mother. I want to think more of others. I want to welcome more people into my home. I want to exercise more frequently. I want my business to grow. I want to spend more hands on time with my girl. I want to go on vacation with only my husband. I want to be more productive on a daily basis. I want to pray more sincerely. I want to serve more diligently. I want to love more.

I know there will be times that I fail- many times. There will be set backs during this year, I'm sure. But I  hope, that at the end of this year, I can say that I did better. That I'm a better person. That I struggled and learned. That I'm a little bit of a different person. A better one.

We are really enjoying the swings lately!

Isn't the thought of a clean slate, a brand new year, fill you with hope and excitement? I feel refreshed and renewed and I plan to make 2012 a wonderful year. I can't wait to find out what it holds for me.

Happy New Year! I hope it's a wonderful year for all of us!

Friends--Addie

Addie and I knew eachother since we were in elementary school together but it wasn't until our senior year of highschool that we really connected through sharing an AP Calculus class together. Funny-but true. The truth is, without Addie in that class I never would have survived. We spent hours working on homework and projects together and laughing our heads off because we just could not figure out what to do next- but we always figured it out, the power of teamwork!

Looking back I was drawn to Addie for many reasons but one in particular. I think we make friends with people who help us learn and grow and become better. Addie is not judgmental. This is what she taught me most. In my highschool, sadly, there were a lot of self righteous kids. People who thought they were better than others, prettier, more righteous, etc... I say my school but really you get a group of people together anywhere and this seems to be the case. Sadly, I'm sure I had my moments as well, but Addie helped me there.

She was and still is friends with people from all walks of life. She doesn't ever seem to look at social class, or anything other than who the person is. She makes friends with people who are kind. I always loved this about her and still do to this day. She is so accepting of everyone and she is close to so many people. In highschool, maybe without realizing it, she helped me accept everyone I come in contact with. To find the positives in people instead of the negatives. She avoided toxic people, people who were negative, etc.

Another wonderful thing about Addie is that she gives the best advice! She can see all sides of a story and look at things objectively. In high school we would talk about boy trouble and she would always know how to go about a situation, and always say the right things.

Addie is extremely thoughtful. She is an amazing note writer. She remembers the little things about her friends. I remember so many wonderful notes from my dear Friend Addie. She truly knows how to lift one's spirits. I remember being sick and her visiting me to cheer me up! She's that kind of wonderful friend.

There are some things that I don't want to talk about with anyone but Addie. Seriously, it's true. Sometimes I have a problem and I think to myself....Addie is the one to talk to. She will relate and understand and know exactly what to say. I love that about her.

I have so many fond memories of the two of us staying up late, going to Noodles and Company, watching So you Think you can Dance, and SO MUCH MORE! I want the memories to just keep coming!!!

Addie and I both had the same due date for our beautiful baby girls. Her baby was born 10 days before mine and it has been fun to watch her little grow up along side mine. I wish that I could ACTUALLY watch them grow up together instead via blogs. But, life is life. Like most of my closest friends- we don't live near eachother, but I long to....seriously long to live by my dear Friend Addie.

I love you Ads, you are a treasure to me. Thank you for always sticking by me- I appreciate your friendship more than you know!

Simplify

Blogging is a wonderful thing. So is Pinterest. But with most good things, comes a down side. Sometimes it makes things too complicated. Over stressing our lives and putting our priorities out of wack. I think sometimes it gives us a sense of who we should be instead of rejoicing in who we really are. The upside, it helps us learn new talents, see people's creativity, and learn about other people's lives. The downside is that it can take away our own creativity and cause us to feel self doubt when we don't measure up to them...or atleast we don't feel that we do.

Sorry I couldn't help but post this pic...she is such a little chubby cheeser!

I love this blog. She spends so much time with her children, helping them learn while they play and I think it is fantastic! However, there are times when I read the blog and I feel like I must be a terrible mother because I just don't have the time to do all that she does. Then I stop and realize something: That is not me. I have different strengths and I parent differently. I may not be the mother who plays with her children ALL the time but I am the mother who loves her little girl more than I could ever explain and I am the mother who is trying to help my child be an independent and sucessful human being.

Although I don't play with her all the time she is usually right there with me at all times. When I am checking emails she is usually playing at my feet with the printer. When I am making business calls she is right by my side smiling up at me. When I am cleaning the kitchen she is doing her best to make sure I put the dishes in correctly as she stands at the dishwasher. When I am Vacuuming she is chasing the chord around. When I making dinner she has to make sure that every pot and pan is out o the cupboards and scattered across the floor. And then there are times where it is total mommy-daughter time and those times are filled with moments of giggling, tickling, and being chased around the apartment! We curl up on the couch or the floor and read stories as she talks my ear off. We sing songs and dance. She goes for things she shouldn't and then smiles back at me because she knows she shouldn't.This is who I am as a mother and I am okay with it. No, I am more than okay with it- I LOVE it. I am not a perfect mother, far from it, but I am Olivia's mother and I know that I do my very best to be what she needs me to be. We always put so much pressure on ourselves to be more like other people when really we need to find our strengths and try to be better versions of ourselves.

As I was decorating the christmas tree- she already started to destroy it...cute piggy tail girl!

I read design blogs. I love them. I love looking at beautiful spaces and dreaming of what I could do with my own spaces. Sadly, I feel like my ideas never look half as good as the ones I see on blogs. But lately I've finally come to a conclusion and a happy one. My home radiates ME. I am learning. One day my home may be the picture perfect place I see in my head, but that is a talent- one that I am developing. Time and practice are key in learning a talent and the thought of it makes me excited. Regardless if my home ever looks like a magazine, it is my home, and it is decorated and created by me and I get a sense of pride in it.

I take pride in my Christmas tree!

I read party/decorating/event planning blogs on ocassion. Or I read friend's blogs that have just thrown a party for their children...As much as I would love to throw Olivia a huge 1st birthday with hand written invitations and cupcake toppers and decorations galore- that's not really me either, and to me that isn't really what's important. Simplify. Celebrating the fact that she is here with us is the most important thing. We will be surrounded by family, she will get presents to open, cake to eat, and lots of smiles and giggles. What more do you really need? I don't think FOR ME the stress of all the fluff is worth it. Now for someone who is really good at that type of thing it might be, but for me it would only cause a WONDERFUL occasion to become hectic and that's the last thing in the world I want.

Lately, I've just been so much happier realizing that I don't have to be a cookie cutter of every other blogger and mother out there. Don't misunderstand- I still love reading blogs and getting new inspiration for all the wonderful resources out there but I've just come to accept that I have my own talents, strengths and I can make my own mark on the world.

Maybe this all sounds so "DUH" but these are where my thoughts have been lately and I wanted to jot them down. I'm simplifying my life.

Friends- Betsy

Meet my friend Betsy. She's adorable and I love her.

Have you ever found that you find a good friend in a time in your life when you needed one most? This could not be more true of Betsy. I had just moved to this Land of Enchantment and I was at the lowest point I had ever been in my life. My self esteem was at an all time low- which was new for me, I'd always been okay in that area. I felt and probably still do to some extent, nervous and scared to make new friends. But Betsy was just there....and so wonderful.

Betsy lived literally 30 seconds away....by foot. We made a few cute crafts, went on wonderful walks along Tramway, but mostly I loved when I texted her and said, "Hey...I need to get out of the apartment- can I come over?" We would just sit and chat. I loved our chats. She would show me her beautiful artwork, tell me about her favorite artist, show me her latest project, and we would talk about our kids, husbands, church, and just life in general. I could probably talk to Betsy for hours on end, but life doesn't usually allow that. I still remember one time when her husband was away- We had a girls night. I went over to her place so we could watch a chick flick and eat popcorn.....uh.....we talked so much that we never made it to the movie. whoops, it's okay, it was so much fun!

Do you know what I love most about Betsy? She's real. No, but really- she is real. No pretenses, no bullcrap- just real. You can talk about the reality of life with Betsy. You can talk about hard things, the ups, the downs, the TRUTH of things, and that life sometimes just stinks. But somehow after it all- you feel uplifted. She's a great listener that Betsy girl.

I still remember going over to her place and just crying my eyes out to her because I didn't know what to do anymore- the little one just wouldn't sleep. I was losing it. Thankfully, Betsy was there to listen. She always knows just the right amount of advice to give without stepping over the line, but at the same time letting you know things you really need to hear.

She is so supportive and positive. She wants to celebrate life with those around her. She honestly cares about those she comes in contact with. She is pretty awesome. She's a special friend.

Sadly, and when I say sadly----I really mean sadly---Betsy moved away a few months back. I cried- and luckily I had a husband there to lend a shoulder. I miss her all the time- and I was so grateful I got to see her just a few weeks back.

Betsy knows what life is- the good, and the bad, and through it all she is still herself. That's one thing I really admire about her. She is always herself. She doesn't try to pretend to ever be something she is not. She is unique and wonderful and I will always be grateful that she is my friend, that I got to live so close to her for a short amount of time and that I will forever be changed because of her.

I can't tell you how jealous I am of the people who get to live by her in her adorable new home!

Love ya Betsy! Thanks for being who you are!

Friendships- Brooke

Happiness is... Friendship.

Life would be pretty meaningless without it. For many different reasons I have been thinking about friendship lately. I have been blessed with so many wonderful people in my life and I would like to showcase them a bit. They have shaped me I to who I am today, so its only fair right?

I can't think of a better way to start out then to tell you about a friend named Brooke. I was in 4th grade and pretty lonely. The two previous years had been hard on me. A best friend that had changed her allegiances had left me feeling pretty lonely but much wiser. I had learned that I would always been a good and loyal friend. I would be the bigger person.

It was a new school year and Brooke was in my class for the first time. Years before, I had been to her house to play and so we definitely knew each other but we were by no means close friends. We instantly hit it off.

She was the most loyal friend I could have asked for. I knew she would always have my back, and never talk behind my back. Everyone else knew it too. They would be just plain silly to even try, because everyone knew what kind of friend Brooke was. A loyal one. I was loyal right back at her!

We were practically attached at the hip. We did almost everything together, including vacationing with eachother's families. Our families called us the Bobsy twins. Being the same size, height (not anymore!), and having the same hair color made us very close to twinish. (I know it's not a word.) We even tricked our families on occasion! I can't tell you how many times her Dad called me Brooke when he saw me from behind.

We spent so much time singing Backstreet boys, playing in her basement, jumping on her tramp, and talking about boys a LOT! We ate Ice cream like it was our job and even had our own ice cream bowls. We laughed more than I thought was possible and we cried sometimes too. Like the day I had to tell her that I was moving to New Jersey. Yes, we cried.

While I was in New Jersey, Brooke moved to a different part of Utah. When I moved back to Utah we attended different highschools, had a different set of friends, and yet we remained friends. Every time I saw her it was as if time had stood still.

We had countless conversations where we discussed boys and heartache. We built eachother up (atleast I KNOW she always built me up!) Even though we no longer lived right by one another we frequently met up at a Starbucks to enjoy a good cinnamon Steamer or Cafe Rio to enjoy a DELICIOUS pork Salad. ON occassion she would come hang out with my friends and I with hers. Memory after memory was created.

Now I live in the heat of a dessert and she lives in chilly Alaska. Yet, I still count her as one of my closest friends. We don't talk tons, because life is busy and yet when we do...time stands still once again. I'm always comfortable with Brooke.

There is something that Brooke taught me more than anything though. How to be a good person. Brooke has taught me and always inspires me to be closer with my Heavenly Father. She is the kind of friend you want to be around because she is the kind of person you want to be. Every conversation is uplifting and inspiring. She is a wonderful journal keeper and I whenever I slack on my journal writing skills I think of Brooke and it makes me want to do better. I remember having so many conversations with Brooke about God, our Faith, gaining testimonies, and receiving answers to prayer. I feel so blessed to have had so many spiritual experiences with this very special friend. She does not like to gossip, she tries to stay positive, and is seriously the most thoughtful and sweetest person I know. I count my blessings everyday to be counted among her friends.

Brooke, brookiebob11, you are the greatest and I love you. Thanks for being a life saver for me in my life over and over again.

EHG**(only Brooke will get this!)