something I will miss.

Warning: This entire post is about breast feeding so if in any way that makes you want to vomit (haha) then you probably shouldn't read this one. Your welcome.

Also, just because I chose to breast-feed Olivia does NOT mean that I am a breast-feeding nazi, NOR do I  judge women who don't breast- feed their babies. Just want to make that very clear.

I still plan on nursing Olivia until she is 1 so I have a good 3 1/2 months ahead of me before it's over. I'm already preparing myself for the change.

When I had Olivia I said I would breast-feed her for 6 months, that's it. The 6 months came from hearing that the first 6 months are the most important for the baby...so that's what I decided on. The first week was awful. I was in so much pain (not to mention trying to recover from giving birth to my angel.) and I finally realized partially of why so many women don't end up nursing their babies. I had so many emotions going through my body. "I'm a terrible mother. Is my baby getting enough food? This is really hard." etc... It was an emotional roller coaster for me and I didn't see an end to the misery....but one short week later and things were so much better for us. Then we hit the 6 month mark and I didn't even have to think about continuing because it was so normal for us. I wouldn't have to worry about buying formula or spending unnecessary money. It was an easy decision. Like I said, one I didn't even need to think about.

Of course there are down sides to it as well, as with most things. I wasn't diligent in pumping a bottle for her often and so one day she decided she just wasn't going to take one. Which meant less freedom for me, but we have learned to deal with that. That's something I will change the next go around. Also, I can't lie in saying that it will be so nice to have my body ALL TO MYSELF when she hits a year. I won't have to wear this stupid nursing bra anymore or think about what I wear and if it will be too inconvenient for breast feeding. I will actually be able to wear a dress again instead of just a skirt! yay! So yes, there are some down sides but I can't begin to tell you how much I will miss it.

Lately, Olivia seems to nurse less. She doesn't eat as much milk and eats more solids. It's normal, I know, but the other day it nearly brought me to tears when I came to the realization that my baby didn't need me as much as she use to. blah blah blah...woe is me right? hah! Okay I know she needs me, but it was a sad realization.

I love our time together, just the two of us. I love when I lay her on my lap and start lifting up my shirt and seeing how impatient she gets. It's funny...she doesn't even act hungry but the minute I put her down on my lap SHE KNOWS and she lets me know it. It's too funny. I love watching her nurse. I love how concentrated she gets and how her little eyes  roll in the back of her head. I love When her daddy walks in the room and she pulls her head around to look and him, acknowledge his existence and then continue drinking. But mostly, I love when she pullls away, tilts her cute face towards mine, and gives me the cutest smiles while she talks to me....until she decides she is still hungry and goes back to eating. She melts my heart.

It has been important to me. Sometimes its been my sanity. As silly as this sounds it has been much less work for me. She hasn't been a good sleeper and nursing her required pretty much no effort. There were times (day and night) when she would nurse and I would lay my head back and snooze if only for a few minutes. A time for rest.

This has been such a beautiful experience and I tear up just thinking about it ending. But all good things must come to an end and shortly this good thing will too. I guess I will just have to drink up these last 3 1/2 months because I know all too well that they will go by too quickly.