Never Alone.

I don't like being alone. In fact, there are times where I could say outright that I hate it. Just saying the word "Alone" well, sounds lonely. Most people talk about how grateful they are when they get their alone time, even if its only for 5 minutes. I can honestly say that I don't relate to that at all. Sure there have been a few times where I have wanted my alone time.....but I think I could probably count them on one hand. Or atleast this experience is so rare to me that I have a hard time remembering those times.

I've always been this way. My poor mother. As a young little girl I followed her EVERYWHERE. I never gave her any time to herself and I'm sure there were times where she wanted to run away and scream..but she didn't, atleast not while I was there...which was almost always. hehe. Even to this day when I go home to visit I absolutely love waking up in the morning and sitting in my mom's bathroom while she gets ready. It reminds me of growing up and being with her, not being alone.

I'm also afraid of the dark. Seriously I am. It just feels so suffocating, so hopeless. HOwever, I can survive in the dark as long as I'm not alone. Because people bring light into our lives that penetrates through the icky darkness. Without people, friendships, loved ones there is no "light."

I'm grateful I married the man I did. Obviously for many reasons but for the purposes of this post it is because he also loves to be around people. (He however doesn't mind being alone, where as I pretty much hate it.) I remember in College we were almost always together. If we weren't in class, we were together, and I loved every. single. minute. When we moved to Albuquerque and he started working all day long things began to be rough for me. Seriously. There were many reasons of which I wont go in to but one of them was simply because I was alone for most of the day. *shiver* I hate being alone.

Then this little Angel was growing in my belly and I wasn't alone anymore. Sure, I couldn't see what she looked like or smelled like. But she was there. It's crazy to think that a whole, big, HUGE, and magical soul is inside such a tiny body. (especially in the beginning when they are only microscopic), but her soul and spirit were there with me, all the time. I bet if people saw me during my pregnancy they would have laughed. I talked to this little "bean" all the time. I talked about my day, the things we were going to do, the things I couldn't wait to do with her, etc.. The morning my water broke, I talked to her. I cried as I told her that I was so ready. SO SO ready for her to come. To let her know how much she was loved already and that we were ready for her. Ready when she was. She must have heard me. The point is....I was never alone while I was pregnant. Now I'm not going to say I loved every minute of sharing my body with her because that would just be a lie haha but it was nice to never be alone.

Can you tell how much she loves it when Daddy is home? 

I love Thursdays, because Thursdays we have our Daddy and wonderful, sweet husband home for the day!  We are not alone when he is here. He fills our home with so much LIFE. So this past Thursday was wonderful as usual. We laughed, talked, ate yummy sandwiches together and went for a lovely walk. We ooed and awwed over our little Bean and life was perfect. Always perfect when Steven is home.

The beautiful sky that day...and yes it was as warm as the sky makes it look! 

Then that night I went to pick up dinner, alone. Although I did not crave it or even ask for that alone time...it was pleasant. I rolled down my windows, cranked the volume up on the radio and sang my little heart out to the black eyed peas "i've got a feeling". It was..nice. But then as I made my way back home that craving returned...the craving to be with the 2 loves of my life. The craving to embrace ever single moment of my life with them. And so the little alone time was, i'll admit, refreshing. It was nothing like coming home.

This is what I came home to...sleeping beuty! 

And so it is a wonderful feeling to have a little gem and my husband gem in my life. Every day never feeling alone. This morning little gem and I played on the floor. Together. And then we played so much that we were both so pooped that we feel asleep on the floor. Together. Never ever alone.